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When you arrange your wedding with your significant other, you probably don’t anticipate them wanting to pay tribute to their ex-partner during the ceremony. As a result, one man was shocked when his future bride announced that she wanted to dedicate a song to her ex.
The man went to Reddit’s “Am I the a**hole” site to explain the background, which involves his fiancée’s ex dying in a car accident. He was attempting to honor her desires for a tribute, but he was finding it incredibly difficult and “uncomfortable” to reconcile the fact that she wanted to play a song in memory of her ex during her wedding to her current partner.
He wrote: “Prior to our meeting, my fiance Kayla was engaged to a man she had been seeing for three years who died in a car accident. I had never dated a woman who had experienced that type of loss before, so I’ve been learning as I go. Nevertheless, I’ve tried to appreciate the fact that he will always be a part of her story, and I embraced her bond with her late fiancé’s parents with open arms.
“They remained close, and by the time we began dating, they essentially served as a second set of parents for her. I think I’m pretty lucky to have two sets of lovely in-laws because both Kayla’s biological parents and her late fiancé’s parents are wonderful people.
Kayla informed me that she would like to have a second dance with her late fiancé’s father to the song Vanilla Twilight following their father-daughter dance at our upcoming wedding in May. She questioned me about my comfort level, and because I didn’t want to be “that guy,” I replied in the positive.
“But the fact that she would be dancing to a love song devoted to another man at our wedding really makes me uneasy. I’m glad to create room in our lives for the remembrance of him. We keep a picture of him on our mantel at home, we remember his birthday on the anniversary of his passing, and I believe I am sympathetic and encouraging when she is having a rough day. And because, as I mentioned, we are all related, I have no problem with his parents attending the wedding. But I also think that our wedding will be a celebration of our relationship.
Photo Credits – Getty Images/iStockphoto
Some individuals argued that the man was being unreasonable, but others sided with him and emphasized how intimate the song’s lyrics are.
One person commented: “I’m going to deviate from the general consensus here and say you’re not the a**hole. Do any of you actually recognize this music, though?
“It’s strangely peppy, but the words are very, very understandable and are obviously strange in the setting of dancing with the dead ex’s dad after she gets married to another guy. If I were the original poster, it would be one thing to miss your ex, but I wouldn’t want my wife to publicly express this attitude during my wedding.
They continued by posting the lyrics, some of which read, “‘Cause I’ll doze off safe and sound, but I’ll miss your arms around me, I’d send a postcard to you, dear, ‘Cause I wish you were here.”
Yet another, writing this to defend the song: “She chose a song that certainly seems to be about a companion who passed away, so I can understand where she is coming from. But it does have a significant impression.”
Someone complained that the future wife is treating her new spouse horribly unfairly, writing: “The hurt for OP, which I have never met and know very little about, was so strong in those lines that it briefly stopped me in my tracks. This is incredibly offensive and basically says that the OP is second-best, if that; the song’s lyrics state that she still feels “so alone.”
“Although losing a loved one or the life you had planned can be terrible, this is a new life that deserves to be celebrated—and what better day than the wedding?
“I wonder why she decided to be married if she is too blind to realize that seven years had passed since his death. The priority in his wife’s life should be the original poster. This shouldn’t be a one-way street because he appears to have previously treated her with a lot of consideration.
“Perhaps a little light nudge (like another poster suggesting an instrumental to replace this song) would start a constructive conversation about how to move their marriage forward. I worry that the original poster’s generosity caused him to unintentionally be taken advantage of, and it’s not a good way to start a new life with someone.”
One more said, “It’s not too late to tell her you’ve thought about it more and have changed your mind.
Some were unsure, with one writing: “I am unable to come to a position that I can firmly support after reading and listening to the song lyrics. All I know is that when my wife gets home, I’m going to give her a long hug.”
Which side are you in this story? Do you think what the bride-to-be did is right? Please let us know, and don’t forget to spread the news so that we can hear from more people.
It is well known how much she loved her Ex, But this Special day is for her and her obviously special Husband to be. Her feelings for her Ex is nice, but should not be constantly displayed. If she can’t let go, then why marry and not respect her Fiancé’s feelings?
I was married for almost 20 years and my wife never got over her high school love. I don’t believe she was having an affair with him, but he still took up considerably space in our relationship.
She would deflect, by telling me “You never forget your first love. I started feeling like I was the only obsticle to their relationship. I divorced her even though I still loved her and in a couple of years they married.
I moved out of state and I remarried and today is my 17th anniversary.